Reliving Wrestlemania: Wrestlemania V

WrestleMania V


So, when we last left the WWF Universe, Savage was celebrating his WWF Championship victory with Hulk Hogan. Following this, Hogan, who a) is an arrogant ass, b) couldn’t let Savage have the top spotlight, and c) wanted the title back AGAIN, formed a tag team with Savage called “The Mega Powers”. For the full year, Savage was WWF Champion and barely had to defend the title, if at all.

Unfortunately, Elizabeth became a wedge issue between the two and it lead to their breakup at Saturday Night’s Main Event. Savage challenged Hogan to a match and Hogan pretty much accepted. Well, not really. Hogan made a big stink, went out and did his own promo where HE challenged Savage and Savage accepted.

In other bouts, Demolition, Tag Team Champs for the year, has to defend the titles against The Powers of Pain. Demolition, at this point, were faces. Their manager, Mr. Fuji, turned on his former team and sided with the Powers of Pain (The Barbarian and Warlord) at Survivor Series. The POP turned heel and Demolition turned face.

Finally, there was Rick Rude and The Ultimate Warrior. The two had been feuding for a while leading up to the Royal Rumble in ’89. Rude and the Warrior were in a “posedown” which Warrior won, flat-out. Rude, essentially, kicked the crap out of him, then challenged him for his title.

The event would, once again, take place at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

We open with a TERRIBLE performance of America, the Beautiful by WWF Women’s Champion, “Rockin’ Robin”. Honestly, it’s really bad. She is so out of tune and lacks so much power, it makes you wonder why they couldn’t have just hired a professional singer with all the money they had. Ventura says that she should keep her daytime job. Amen.

MATCH #1: Hercules vs. “King” Haku (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan)
“King Haku” was, essentially, Haku with Harley Race’s cape and crown. Haku is managed by Bobby Heenan. I’m sure even I was managed by Bobby Heenan at one point in my life. Hercules had turned face after Heenan sold his contract to Ted DiBiase, claiming that Hercules was now his “slave” which would sound really sleazy if this weren’t all phony. Hercules feuded with DiBiase, then went after Haku. Haku was always a decent wrestler. He has strength, speed, and skill. He and Hercules play off each other well. After avoiding the “Pearl Harbor” analogy, Gorilla uses it in record time. Haku hits a NICE backbreaker and then another one. Such power there. The match DOES slow down when Haku applies a bear hug. I always thought that move was boring. Most of the late 80’s/mid-90’s holds were. They just slowed things down. Hercules hits a high crossbody running off the ropes but only gets two. Haku misses a HUGE crossbody off the turnbuckle. Great stuff. Hercules hits a kneelift and a couple clotheslines, then a powerslam. He goes for a move off the top ropes and Haku hits a high kick to the head. Haku misses a splash off the turnbuckle, then a punch and Hercules hits a suplex bridge pin for the win.
WINNER: Hercules via Bridge Suplex
GRADE: B-. This isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.

Gene interviews a VERY young Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty – THE ROCKERS! 😀 You have NO idea how much I loved this tag team. As for the Towers, the facts are these: in a completely idiotic move, the WWF decided to re-work One Man Gang because they needed that “big heel”. Slick was managing him and said, in an ironic twist, that he was really “African”. So they went to some horrible ghetto in the middle of America somewhere and called it “the Darkest Part of Africa” where they had tribal dancers around a fire. OMG was rebranded, “Akeem”. He spoke with a stereotypical black accent and mockingly danced a tribal dance. After that, Akeem would team with The Big Boss Man and the team was dubbed, “The Twin Towers”. As for The Rockers, they actually debuted in the WWF in 1987, lasted one match, and were fired due to violating company policy by partying too much. A couple years later, Vince McMahon offered the team another contract and invited them BACK, provided they would quit the excessive partying and concentrate on their ring work. According to Michaels’ biography, he was nursing a bad hangover before the match began. You really cannot tell…

MATCH #2: Twin Towers (Big Boss Man & Akeem) (w./ Slick) vs. The Rockers (Marty Jannetty & Shawn Michaels)
Akeem reminds me a lot of the current incarnation of Brodus Clay. Let me get this out of the way: my favorite tag team, growing up, was The Rockers. I loved their style. They did nearly everything together in the ring. The greatest thing about them is that, when you thought you had them, you didn’t. For instance, Michaels gets slapped in the corner. Jannetty distracts him and Michaels drop kicks Boss Man from the top rope. I love the quick tags by the Rockers. They’re so agile and so quick. The Towers get the upper hand and keep Jannetty occupied. At one point, they do a double splash to him in the corner which just looks painful. Jannetty hits a hot tag on Michaels. Michaels takes on Akeem and corners him. Janetty joins him and the two double team Akeem with a double flying shoulderblock. Then Akeem hits a HUGE clothesline on Michaels. If he didn’t have a migraine from the booze, he probably got one after that. The end comes when Akeem tosses Jannetty out of the ring. Michaels tries for a huge crossbody but Boss Man catches him and splashes him followed by Air Africa by Akeem. The Twin Towers win. Decent match.
WINNERS: Twin Towers via Air Africa
GRADE: C+. The Rockers…boy. They’d have their “Wrestlemania Moment” a couple of years later and we ALL know Michaels had several more of them on his own. The match was good. And it was clean. They could have been so much greater had Jannetty not been so shaky in his personal life.

Backstage, Tony Schiavone (pre-WCW) is backstage with Ted DiBiase.

MATCH #3: “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase (w/ Virgil) vs. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake
After the interview, DiBiase hits the ring and greets Donald Trump at ringside. This is the first Wrestlemania where DiBiase wears The Million Dollar Belt. It’s, essentially, real gold and fake diamonds. The belt, allegedly, costs $125,000 in real life. Impressive. Beefcake utilizes that quick strength to gain an early upper hand in the match. Beefcake’s skills are much improved. He’s much more agile and a lot more powerful. He tosses DiBiase around like a rag doll and then finally clotheslines DiBiase out of the ring. Ventura says that Farrah Fawcett was “all over him” on his plane to Wrestlemania. Gorilla doesn’t believe him. He asks if Body can substantiate his claims. “Of course,” says Body. “Ryan O’Neal saw the whole thing.” Heh. DiBiase takes over the match and hits a double axehandle on Brutus. He nearly gets a three-count after taking him down. DiBiase goes for the whip into the ropes and tries for a body drop but Brutus rolls him up for a two-count. Then he reverses a suplex. Good match thus far. Double clothesline by both wrestlers. The end comes when DiBiase hits The Million Dollar Dream but Beefcake grabs the rope. DiBiase tries to follow up with a head butt in the corner but it’s reversed. This is a good grudge match. The two men are evenly matched. The end comes with Brutus trying to hit the Sleeper but Virgil distracts Brutus who goes after Virgil. Virgil beats up Beefcake outside, which causes Brutus to chase him around the ring. DiBiase gets behind Brutus and sneak attacks him. The two trade punches outside until the referee counts both of them out.
WINNER: Double Countout. Nobody.
GRADE: C+. Brutus is better here and DiBiase is always good. However, a crap ending just knocks this down. BTW, I swear, outside of maybe Survivor Series, I don’t think I’ve ever seen DiBiase job or job clean.

Post-match, Brutus goes after Virgil and has him inside the ring. He gives him an atomic drop then calls for the Sleeper which he hits easily. DiBiase tries to interfere but Brutus sees it coming and knocks DiBiase for a loop. Brutus goes to get his shears but the two men flee. Good match. Good booking so far.

Lord Alfred Hayes who has practically been AWOL since the first Wrestlemania interviews The Bushwackers. They both talk with their mouths full.

MATCH #4: The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques & Raymond) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers (Luke & Butch)
If Santino Marella had a twin, this is what he’d be. I mean, really. The Bushwhackers were just Australian backwoods slobs whose best years were behind them. They were a comedy tag team, at best, with no talent to speak of. Jimmy Hart manages the Rougeau Brothers here. The Bushwhackers work well as a team, for what it’s worth. During the match, Ventura and Gorilla really kinda have it out about immigration, which is unexpected. Gorilla Monsoon makes a crack about the Rougeaus being Canadian and not American. Ventura asks, “Well, wait, you have parents who came from some other country, right?” Gorilla agrees. Ventura says, “Well, you’re the same as them!” Gorilla protests and says he was born here. Ventura doesn’t let it go even though Gorilla has moved on. He asks Gorilla if he wants to tear down the Statue of Liberty. Under his breath, Gorilla says, “No, I didn’t say that…” Ventura says that Gorilla wants to only let his friends in and keep everyone else out. Gorilla, very loudly, shouts, “WE’VE ALREADY GOT ENOUGH OF THE TIRED AND THE POOR!!!” I don’t get this. Gorilla verbally fellates wrestlers like Volkoff and The Iron Sheik but goes after the Rougeaus for being Canadian? They are interrupted by the Bushwackers hitting a battering ram on the Rougeaus. This is the first match where the crowd is quiet. As I mentioned, the Rougeaus had skill and completely outwork the Bushwhackers. Which is a damn shame. The end comes when the Rougeaus hits a crescent kick on one of the Bushwhackers…then they hug and raise each other’s arms. The Bushwhackers hit another Battering Ram while Jacques hugs Jimmy Hart outside the ring in celebration. Then they get a pin. I didn’t get this finish at all. They won the match and then lost?
WINNERS: The Bushwhackers via Battering Ram
GRADE: F. The Rougeaus were pretty much toast and The Bushwhackers were a joke. And the ending was bizarre. Anyhow, the Rougeaus were pretty popular but turned heel and pretty much went south after that. Jacques would go on a good solo career while his brother, Raymond would end up wrestling for a year and then retiring to a career behind the mic.  Jacques and Raymond would continue to be beat up by the Bushwhackers. They were, at this point, heels mainly because of American apathy toward Canadians. In 1990, Raymond Rougeau called it a career due to chronic back pain. He occasionally wrestles for an independent Canadian wrestling league. Jacques would continue on with a different character…but we’ll get to that.

Post-match, Sean Mooney (remember him?) gets licked by the Bushwhackers. And when I say “licked”, I mean, they lick his face. With their tongues. Did I mention I never got the Bushwhackers?

MATCH #5: Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer
Curt Henning had actually been with the WWF from 1982 to 1984, just one year before Wrestlemania I. He left to wrestle with the AWA as he still hadn’t properly honed his in-ring technique. In 1988, Henning returned and became “Mr. Perfect”, an arrogant heel who bragged that everything he did in life was “perfect”. He’s one of my all-time favorite wrestlers and was involved in so many great matches over the years. Here, he would face “The Blue Blazer” who, in reality, was Bret Hart’s brother, Owen. This was at a time when Owen was trying to follow in his brother’s footsteps and, needless to say, this gimmick did not work out well. While Owen was a fantastic wrestler, his gimmick was kinda silly. That said, this is a great match. Hart and Henning are such great technicians inside the ring and execute moves with precision. Owen’s strength is great, too. Blazer, surprisingly, carries most of the match. Henning looks slightly aloof, but when Henning is on with that kneelift and the huge clothesline, he’s just awesome. The match ends as it usually does – with the Perfect Plex. Perfect wins.
WINNER: Mr. Perfect via Perfect-Plex
GRADE: C+. It was good but short and Blazer carried most of it. I have no idea why I keep saying “great match” every four seconds. After this, Owen would tour in wrestling circuits all over the planet for the next couple of years. He would rejoin the WWF in 1991…more on that later.

After the match, Jesse Ventura poses for the crowd.

We get a promo for the WWF’s 5K race. Or something.

After that, Run DMC raps for the crowd.

We get a promo for Demolition vs. The Powers of Pain. The Powers of Pain were comprised of The Warlord and The Barbarian, two of the biggest dudes to ever wrestle in the WWF. The two of them entered the Federation in 1988 after Demolition won the titles from Strike Force at Wrestlemania IV. They would feud with Demolition up until this point.

MATCH #6: The Powers of Pain (The Warlord & The Barbarian) (w/ Mr. Fuji) (challengers) vs. Demolition (Ax & Smash) (champions)
The match is all strength but also has a lot of speed. (And it’s actually a match with people we wanna see. It’s no wonder the WWE reduced their Supercard events to 9 or 10 matches.) Neither of these individuals has any real technique in the ring – with the exception of Mr. Fuji. He had actually been a wrestler prior to his career managing other wrestlers and he’s still good. Barbarian has one of the best big boots to the face I’ve ever seen, next to his flying clothesline. He nearly knocks off Axe’s head at one point. the POP absolutely rule the match for the most part until Axe hits a nice clothesline and makes a hot tag to Smash. Smash takes out the Warlord and then the Barbarian. He fights off both members of the POP and drops the Warlord’s neck on the ropes. The end comes when the ref’s back is turned and Barbarian is holding Smash. Fuji goes for his salts and tosses it as Smash’s face. But Smash ducks and hits the Barbarian’s face instead. They kick Barbarian out of the ring and set up Fuji for the Decapitation, getting the pin after that.
WINNERS, AND STILL CHAMPIONS: Demolition via Decapitation
GRADE: C+. Big, clunky, and slow.

Post match, Tony Schiavone is trying to get into the Macho Man’s dressing room. Instead, Macho pushes Schiavone and the camera man out of the way and runs off, angry.

MATCH #7: “Rugged” Ronnie Garvin vs. Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin)
After introducing Dino Bravo and Ronnie Garvin, Howard Finkel introduces Superfly Jimmy Snuka for some reason. Ronnie Garvin would join the WWF in 1989, immediately feuding with Bravo which would lead to this match. Bravo’s strength is great here and practically wipes the mat with Garvin for the most part. Garvin takes over when Bravo tries for a powerbomb and Garvin falls on top of him. This leads to chops in the corner and some horribly performed heads to the turnbuckle. Garvin hits a beautiful rolling cradle pin for a two count and then a Sleeper hold. Bravo, however, gets to the ropes. Garvin, at one point, nearly hits a piledriver and then hits a sunset flip pin for a two-count. Garvin is a pretty decent wrestler. The end comes when Bravo hits the side suplex on Garvin for the win.
WINNER: Bravo via Side Suplex.
GRADE: D+. Back to the slop. This was a Superstars Match that found its way to Wrestlemania. After this match, Garvin would feud with Greg Valentine and then become a part-time referee after losing a career match to him. He would finish his career in the WWF, feuding with Valentine and Bravo. He would wrestle independently until around 2005. Garvin is an accomplished pilot and actually owns a few car dealerships. As for Frenchy Martin, Bravo dumped him in favor of Jimmy Hart as a manager. Martin would job for the rest of his career and would leave the WWF in 1990.

Post-match, Garvin would attack Bravo and stomp a mudhole in Frenchy Martin.

MATCH #8: The Brain Busters (Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard) (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Strike Force (Rick Martel & Tito Santana)
Ah, the Brain Busters! Comprised of the great Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard, the two made their debut in 1988 and would feud, briefly, with the Rockers. Strike Force was having some major issues. Santana and Martel were together again after a major strain in their working relationship. According to storyline, this was their last chance. This match is great. So many reversals, so many air moves, so many submission maneuvers, it’s incredible. At one point, Martel gets hit with the Flying Forearm, accidentally. The Busters work well together, tagging in and out, not letting Tito get to Martel. I wish that Ventura would stop calling Tito, “Chico”. It’s vaguely racist-sounding. There’s a great part of the match where Tito hits a huge sunset flip and tries for the pin on Anderson but Anderson had already tagged Blanchard prior to this. Great work. Finally, Santana goes to tag Martel but Martel, still sore over the forearm, refuses to tag him and then leaves the match. Tito is left alone to face the Busters. The end is pretty much nigh at this point. Tito tries to get the upper hand and cannot execute a much-needed Monkey Flip from the corner. Anderson gets tagged in and the Busters simply finish Tito off with the Spike Piledriver to win.
WINNERS: The Brain Busters via Spike Piledriver
GRADE: A-. The first great match of the night. After this match, it’s stating the obvious to say that Strike Force broke up. Santana and Martel would feud and go on to singles careers. We will see them again…as for the Brain Busters, they would go on to win the Tag Titles from Demolition in a controversial finish. Demolition would win the titles back and the Busters wouldn’t win it back. After this, they would take on the Rockers at Saturday Night’s Main Event and lose two out of three falls. After this, Blanchard failed a drug test and Bobby Heenan was ordered to replace him at the Survivor Series in 1989. Following the PPV, Anderson left immediately and went back to WCW. Blanchard would join him at a much lower-priced contract.

Post-match, Martel tells Mean Gene that he’s sick and tired of Tito Santana. He’s been carrying Santana all this time. Martel says Santana could have beaten him up but he walked away instead.

Back inside the ring, Howard Finkel says it’s now time for Piper’s Pit and introduces Rowdy Roddy Piper. Instead, out comes Brother Love, a wrestling personality who would imitate one of those Southern Baptist TV preachers. He debuted in 1988 and would go on to host a regular segment on WWF TV called “The Brother Love Show”. He’s dressed in Roddy’s kilt and starts ranting and “interviewing” an invisible Piper. He even imitates Piper. After this, Morton Downey Jr. is introduced and insults Brother Love. After this, Piper comes out to the ring with much longer hair. Piper is amused by the segment. He says Love has Bette Davis knees and child-bearing hips. Piper then mocks Love’s weight. Love says Piper doesn’t scare him but Piper screams in his face, scaring Love. Piper asks Love if he’s fought anybody. Love says he doesn’t fight because he’s a lover. Piper mocks his phony jewelry. During the segment, Downey Jr. tosses his cigarettes at Piper. Love mocks Piper’s kilt and then tries to touch it, saying it’s a dress. Piper says, “I’ll bite your face off if you do that.” The copy of Wrestlemania cuts out the rest of the Love segment and switches to Downey. Downey is insulting and unkind toward Piper, insulting him. Piper insults him right back until Downey blows smoke in his face. Downey says he doesn’t take orders from men who wear skirts. Downey blows more smoke in his face. Piper warns him not to do that. He does it again. Piper plays along, claiming he likes it, then asks for a cig. As Downey turns his back, Piper grabs a fire extinguisher and then has Downey turn back around. He sprays it right in his face and then leaves the ring, telling Downey to kiss his ass. (Way, way too long. Brother Love was annoying and Warrior doing away with him prior to WM 7 was one of the only things he ever did right. Then you had the awkward Downey flicking cigarettes everywhere. Why this segment – even edited – still exists is beyond me.)

Backstage, Gene plugs the fucking terrible “No Holds Barred” with Hulk Hogan and Zeus. I don’t know what’s worse – the movie or the fact that Hogan’s idiot character is called “Rip”. They couldn’t come up with a better name?!

Sean Mooney interviews Donald Trump at ringside and he seems genuinely excited to be participating in the event.

For some reason, Ventura is pissed at Hogan for “stomping on his territory in Hollywood”.

We see all the build-up leading up to Hogan and Savage.

Gene interviews Hogan now. Hogan calls his idiotic life rules “Demandments” and slurs his way through his speech. He says that Donald Trump is worried about his foundation and has “seismotologists” ready and standing by. *Sigh*

MATCH #9: Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts with Big John Studd as the Special Guest Referee.
FINALLY, we get a match. But before that, Big John Studd is introduced as the special guest referee. Andre gets in Studd’s face. Roberts comes out next and is immediately attacked. Andre looks like he can barely walk and uses the ropes throughout to brace himself as he walks. Roberts eventually gets the upper hand on Andre and has him tied up in the ropes. He teases getting the snake out his bag but doesn’t do it. The match isn’t pretty. It’s pretty slow and sloppy. Again, Andre’s near the end of his career here and cannot do much more than kick and punch. He can’t handle much weight. At one point, Andre gets knee’d in the face by Roberts and falls to one knee. He actually falls down completely after getting kicked around. He tries to fight to his feet and does but it’s totally obvious that he isn’t well. He hits a VERY weak chop that Roberts sells well. He missed it by three miles mainly because he was hanging onto the ropes. Andre keeps hitting Roberts to prevent him from getting back into the ring. The end comes when Studd gets into Andre’s face. Andre, in return, hits Studd. Jake grabs Damien, his python, but The Million Dollar Man and Virgil hit ringside, attack Jake, and attempt to take Damien away. Roberts chases them down as Andre tries to choke Studd. Roberts gets Damien back and hits the ring with Damien unleashed. Andre vacates the ring and Roberts wins via DQ. Weak match.
WINNER: Jake “The Snake” Roberts via DQ.
GRADE: D-. Just as I said – slow and sloppy. Still, Andre is too proud to stop and I admire him for that.

After this match, Studd would appear in one last match a few months later, only to leave the WWF for good. He passed away in 1995, six years later, of Hodgkins and Liver Cancer.

Backstage, Tony Schiavone is with former women’s champ, Sensational Sherri. I liked Sherri better later on in her career. Sherri insults Elizabeth, saying that she isn’t hot like she is.

MATCH #10: Rhythm & Blues (The Honky Tonk Man & Greg “The Hammer” Valentine) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation
Once again, the Honky Tonk Man is the weakest link here. The Hitman is so damned good. He has the strength, skill and speed. He can do a sunset flip, roll you up quick, AND he can brawl and hit power moves. The only good thing about Rhythm and Blues is their quick tags and the fact that Valentine can actually wrestle and carries HTM. He matches up well with Hart as the two have almost the exact same wrestling styles. Both are methodical with a classic style of wrestling. HTM hits The Shake, Rattle and Roll but tags in Valentine instead of getting the cover. After several reversals by Hart and Valentine, Neidhard is tagged in by Bret Hart. HTM is tagged after Neidhart takes out Valentine. Hart goes after HTM and then all hell breaks loose. Valentine tries to distract the ref. Jimmy Hart, however, forgets his megaphone and leaves it clear on the other side of the ring. Neidhart grabs it, tosses it to Bret Hart, who clocks Honky in the head. Hart barely gets a pin on HTM because Valentine nearly blows the spot and almost saves it. Nice irony. 🙂 Decent match.
WINNERS: The Hart Foundation via Reverse Megaphone Screwjob
GRADE: B-. The match was good but not that good. Crowd was dead the entire time. Man, I forgot how many matches ended with the megaphone.

We see a promo for the feud between Rick Rude and The Ultimate Warrior.

MATCH #11: “Ravishing” Rick Rude (challenger) (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. The Ultimate Warrior (champion) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
Rude has the Intercontinental Title painted on his tights. The Warrior’s face is on his ass for some reason. Warrior comes out next and heads to the ring. The crowd roars. The Warrior gets the early upper hand, knocking Rude around and then bear hugging him. Rude gets out and hits a HUGE drop kick off the top rope but gets a one-count and Warrior gets up, totally no-selling everything and acting like nothing happened. Another bear hug on Rude. He gets out and gets slammed and Warrior tries for a splash doesn’t work. Rude finally gets a piledriver on Warrior and Warrior actually sells it. One of the more amusing parts is when Rude gets up and tries to swivel his hips but he can’t because he’s hurt. Ventura: “Can you imagine how many hearts just broke because Rude couldn’t swivel those hips?” Rude NEARLY gets a pin after a neckbreaker, then hits an abdominal stretch. Warrior gets out of it and then goes into roid rage Hulk rage a rage and starts to take over the match. He hits a clothesline, then just tosses Rude into the turnbuckles. Then he hits a HUGE shoulderblock on Rude which looks painful. He rushes at Rude again who moves out of the way. Rude goes for the Rude Awakening but Warrior powers out of it and hits a HUGE clothesline. He starts to shake the ropes and clotheslines Rude outside the ring. Warrior tries to suplex Rude back into the ring but as Warrior goes to flip Rude up in the air, Heenan grabs Warrior’s leg and trips him. Then he holds Warrior’s leg and Rude gets a cheap pin.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Rick Rude via screwjob
GRADE: C+. Warrior’s had better matches than this. Let’s wait a year…

Post-match, Rude runs the hell outta there but Heenan isn’t so lucky. He gets hit by Warrior, in-ring, and then press-slammed. Then he goes running for Rude.

MATCH #12: Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
The match is actually pretty fun to watch. (What was I smoking?) Both men are brawlers. There’s no technique here. It’s just two men who hate each other who try to hurt one another. At one point, Duggan gets the chance to hit the Three-Point Stance but Bad News takes the hit, gets a chair, and just threatens to use it. Duggan, without flinching, decides that he’s gonna use his 2×4. The two rush at one another and use their weapons like swords, clanging them together. The ref, of course, DQ’s both men. The match ends. Meh.
WINNER: None. Double DQ.
GRADE: F. Re-reading these makes me feel like I’m bi-polar.

Post-match, Duggan nails Brown with the 2×4, then celebrates with a gigantic booger hanging out of his nose. Really gross.

Backstage, Mean Gene interviews The Red Rooster.

MATCH #13: Bobby “The Brain” Heenan (w/ The Brooklyn Brawler) vs. Red Rooster
Next match: Red Rooster vs. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan. Heenan favors his ribs. Warrior apparently had injured his ribs in the press slam, legitimately. I might add that Heenan is escorted to the ring by none other than The Brooklyn Brawler. LOL…the match ends with Rooster squashing Heenan by ramming his head into the turnbuckle and pinning him.
WINNER: Red Rooster via Headbutt
GRADE: F. Terry Taylor (The Rooster) would go on to wrestle a few more PPV events but he would eventually leave in 1990. He would have a short stint with WCW and return to the WWF in 1992 as “Terrific” Terry Taylor before leaving again a year later. He would spend the next several years between WCW and the WWF after a short stint with the AWF. In 2003, Taylor was Head of Talent Relations until 2011, when he was fired by the organization. Before and after this feud, Brawler was pretty much just a jobber that got other talent over. He still sporadically wrestles for the WWE.

Post-match, Brawler attacks Rooster until Rooster chases him out. Yawn. Why did this match event take place except to serve as a chance for the fans to see Heenan get beat up?

Our final match is Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage for the WWF Championship.

Backstage, Elizabeth tells Mean Gene that she is in a neutral corner and support both men in the fight. Liz sells the sadness nicely.

Tony Schiavone says nobody wants to miss “The Mega Powers exploding” then sends things out to Sean Mooney.

MATCH #14: “Macho Man” Randy Savage (champion) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Hulk Hogan (challenger) for the WWF Championship
Savage enters first with his title. Then Elizabeth. Then Hogan. Hogan and his idiotic pointing. He points at his opponents which is so stupid. It’s so not cool and not manly at all. Ventura calls the fans, “The Pukesters”. Gotta love it. Here’s the list of moves Hogan uses, by the way:

  • Chasing Savage from the ring
  • Pointing
  • Stretching
  • Lock-up and shove
  • Irish Whip, kinda shoulderblock/shove thing
  • Irish Whip and threatened punch
  • Chasing Savage around ring
  • Lock-up and trip to Front facelock
  • Headlock
  • No-selling
  • Punch
  • Punch
  • Punch
  • Punch
  • Arm twist and arm bar
  • No-selling armbar
  • Pulling trunks to toss Savage out of ring
  • Tossing Savage back in
  • Headbutt into turnbuckle
  • Headbutt into turnbuckle
  • Weak clothesline/shove thingee
  • Elbow Drop
  • Elbow Drop
  • Eye rake with foot
  • Irish Whip
  • Elbow into gut (x3)
  • Shoulderblock
  • Atomic Drop
  • Elbow Drop
  • Hanging onto Savage’s foot
  • Heabutt into turnbuckle (x6)
  • Punch
  • Punch
  • Punch
  • Clothesline
  • Body slam out of ring
  • No-selling headbutts into ring and steel outside ring
  • Headbutt into mat

I’m gonna stop there. As you can see, Hogan is no better than Hacksaw Jim Duggan which is pathetic. The worst part is that Savage has to carry him for 20 minutes. He’s better, more agile, and has great aerial attacks and he has to slow himself down to match Hogan’s idiotically simple wrestling style. The reason why the fans love him is because he plays up the “come-from-behind” angle, the wrestler who gets beaten and comes back to win. Hogan got hooked and then became an egotistical nightmare who wouldn’t job to anybody and, when he did, it couldn’t be a clean pin, it always had to be a pin or some sort of convoluted screwjob. Anyhow, Hogan wins the match after the usual – Hulk up, punching, big boot, leg drop. Yay. What a surprise.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Hulk Hogan via Atomic Legdrop
GRADE: D-. Yay, Savage.

Post-match, he celebrates by posing.

(This would be the last time we would see Donald Trump until Wrestlemania XX…)

OVERALL: D-. This was worse, I think, than Wrestlemania IV.

That’s that!

See you at Wrestlemania VI in Toronto!

— Matt

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