Oh boy. Can’t wait to review this one…
The facts are these:
- WCW had “invaded” the WWF…but we hadn’t seen any of the bigger guys come over. Why? They were under different contracts with Time Warner (as previously mentioned), so we wouldn’t see Flair, Hogan, or the nWo…until 2001. Flair made his WWF return when he surprised Vince McMahon on RAW as the (kayfabe) “co-owner” of the WWF. McMahon, furious at Flair, said that he now had no choice but to (kayfabe) “destroy” the WWF so that Flair could no longer run it. How would he do that? It would be him…and the nWo. Yes, Vince teased this angle and, at No Way Out 2002, the nWo arrived, immediately attacking Steve Austin and The Rock. This, by the way, included the idiotic Hulk Hogan who broke Kayfabe several times in order to schmooze with the fans and talk about how “happy” he was to be back. This would lead to three major matches…
- The WCW “Invasion” angle would last until late 2001 when the WCW/ECW “Alliance” began taking away a lot of Vince’s talent. Vince would implore the old Austin to come back. When the Flair angle appeared, Austin was a face again, destroying Vince and his new nemesis, Kurt Angle. Austin was being beaten up by Hall and Nash so Scott Hall would take on Steve Austin.
- The Rock was the biggest face that the WWF had and greeted Hulk Hogan. After refusing the join the nWo, the nWo attacked The Rock. The Rock would face Hogan.
- Flair’s son was being bullied by the Undertaker…thus, Flair would challenge the Undertaker to a No-DQ match.
- Triple H and Stephanie McMahon would get a (kayfabe) divorce which would push her to schmooze with Chris Jericho. Jericho, at WWF Vengeance, had beaten Austin for the WWF Championship as well as the Rock for the WCW Heavyweight Championship. He would merge the titles into one called “The Undisputed Championship”. Triple H would challenge Jericho for this title.
Everything done?
On with the show!
We are LIVE from Skydome in Toronto!
This would be the first time the WWF had been here since Wrestlemania VI.
We get a nice version of Americ–wait…no…we get a song sung by rocker band, “Saliva”.
Charming.
The WWF can afford to put this on the DVD’s but not shell out money for entrance music. Hypocrisy at its finest.
Another “tradition” promo. Hogan says he’s gonna win while Rock says “the torch will be passed”. I hope so.
The Skydome is rockin’!
JR has returned with Jerry “The King” Lawler! 😀 Lawler says that we’re gonna witness a BIG Wrestlemania.
MATCH #1: Rob Van Dam (challenger) vs. William Regal (champion) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
This match was your typical RAW/Smackdown match. It feels like it anyway. Just under seven minutes. Though Van Dam is pretty impressive in that ECW/CM Punk way. It’s acrobatics vs. technique here. Chinlock by Regal. Superkick by RVD. Then he tries Rolling Thunder but Regal counters and hits a Regal Bomb, but only gets two. RVD reverses a lock by Regal and only gets two. RVD rams Regal into the corner and gets some kicks and punches in, then drop kicks him. RVD with a nice Catapult. Regal goes for a kick and Regal hits a Full Nelson into a Side Suplex. Nice move. Outside, Regal picks up RVD, then goes for brass knuckles but the ref takes them away. RVD knocks out Regal and hits the Five-Star Frogsplash for the win.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Rob Van Dam via 5SFS.
GRADE: Not too bad but a bit short. Solid B.
Backstage, Lillian Garcia talks to Christian who makes friends with his hometown by bashing it.
We get a view from the Skydome’s tower.
MATCH #2: Diamond Dallas Page (champion) vs. Christian (challenger) for the WWF European Championship
I hate DDP as a wrestler. I don’t even know why he continued to wrestle, besides the obvious financial lure. Even his theme music fucking sucked. He drew almost no fucking pop whatsoever. He’s introduced as “from The Jersey Shore” which explains a great deal. Christian, by this time, was “on his own” as he stabbed Edge in the back and became a heel. DDP nearly ends things with a powerbomb, nicely pulled off but only gets a two-count. Then he nearly hits a Diamond Cutter but misses. Christian hits his finisher but only gets a close two. DDP rolls him up for a close two-count. Then DDP hits the Diamond Cutter and we’re done.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: DDP via Diamond Cutter
GRADE: B-. Too short.
- I will clarify what I said: DDP was a decent wrestler but not great by any means. I do like him as a person as he has a good work ethic and is very positive. I will explain..but first: he would leave the WWF shortly after Wrestlemania. By this time, he was pushing 50 with some bad injuries. A couple years later, he would wrestle for TNA but leave the very next year, in 2005. Four years later, he wrestled independently. He has done movies and reality TV since then, as well as a DVD retrospective on the WWF vs. WCW wars. He occasionally works for the WWE, making one-time appearances as well as behind-the-scenes. But most of all, Page wins points for re-shaping his career with a series of yoga instruction videos which he uses to promote weight loss and stress relief. In 2013, he took both Scott Hall and Jake Roberts into his home and used this form of exercise to get them both sober and healthy. In 2014, he will induct Roberts into the WWE Hall of Fame. Scott Hall will also be inducted into the HOF this same year.
Post-match, DDP gets on the mic and tells Christian that he’s proud of him for controlling his anger. He says that’s not a bad thing, it’s a “good thing”, mirroring Christian’s catch-phrase. Then Christian does what can be best described as rolling around with an invisible person while having a seizure.
Backstage, Jonathan Coachman is with The Rock. Rock says that the Rock has come back to Toronto and blah, blah, blah…The Rock asks if Coach took his vitamins or says his prayers. He makes Coach say his prayers on his knees. This promo goes on far too long. We heard enough of the Rock in the lead-up. Why do we have to hear it all AGAIN?
MATCH #3: Maven (champion) vs. Goldust (challenger) for the WWF Hardcore Championship
Goldust is out first. He gets weapons and shit out from under the ring. Because it’s “hardcore” and when you think “hardcore”, you think of Goldust and Maven using weapons. Even under all the make-up, he looks sick of this shit. Maven is out next. I’m still shocked he went on like he did. This match sucks. Goldust isn’t a “Hardcore” wrestler and he looks out of place here. Maven is scrawny and with nothing going on. The two actually WRESTLE and neither uses weapons. The match is too quick (around three minutes) which makes you wonder what Vince was thinking booking three matches in 15 minutes. I might add that almost all the weapons being used are golden, because Goldust. Both men hit each with trash can lids at the same time. In the middle of the match, Spike Dudley comes running into the match and pins Maven for the title. So, yeah…that happened.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Spike Dudley
GRADE: D-. Pointless as all hell.
Post-match, Crash Holly comes running to try and take the title. Spike runs into the crowd.
- Dustin Rhodes (Goldust) had returned, PRIOR to this to WCW where he was supposed to be a character called “Seven”. However, Turner’s Standards and Practices did not like his build-up promos and killed the character. He would, instead, wrestle as “The American Nightmare”. Well…anyway, this was his return to the WWF. He would take a hiatus after this and wrestle independently as well as with TNA. He returned and wrestled for the WWE sporadically, but worked, mainly, as a backstage producer until he made a full-time return to the ring in 2013 and won the Tag belts with his brother, Cody. He will be at Wrestlemania XXX for the Andre the Giant Battle Royal.
Drowning Pool is brought out to perform “Tear Away”, in order to “tell us the story of the Undisputed Championship” which I doubt was the original inspiration for the song. If I wanted to see a random rock concert, I would have tuned into Palladia. Fuck.
Backstage, Spike and Crash go at it. Al Snow drives a cart into a pile of randomly-placed empty boxes. Hurricane appears out of fucking nowhere and pins Spike for the title. Al Snow is pissed.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: The Hurricane
- Mike Lockwood, AKA Crash Holly, would wrestle for the next 2 1/2 years for the WWE but, aside from an angle with the Invasion members, couldn’t find a major storyline. He was released from the WWE in 2003. Five months later, in November of the same year, Lockwood was found dead in the home of wrestler Stevie Richards. He was lying in a pool of his own vomit. Several empty prescription drug bottles and a half a bottle of alcohol were nearby along with an open envelope revealing that his wife had served him divorce papers. The death was ruled a suicide. Lockwood was only 32 years old. Nora Greenwald, AKA “Molly Holly”, would release a DVD about her life with a portion of the proceeds going toward his young daughter’s education fund.
- Snow would wrestle for the WWE until 2007 when he was released. He continued to train until 2008 but was released again the same year. He currently wrestles with TNA.
MATCH #4: Kurt Angle vs. Kane
Kurt Angle approaches the ring. He gets on the mic. By the way, you can thank Steve Austin for the crowd saying “WHAT” after every single fucking sentence. It’s the worst, most assholish thing ever invented. I’m sorry. Angle was saying something but I missed it because I was busy talking about Austin saying “what” all the fucking time. Kane comes roaring walking slowly down the aisle toward Angle. He does his ring pyro thing but Angle attacks him. Kane absolutely DESTROYS Angle for the first part of the match until Angle hits a BEAUTIFUL belly to belly suplex. Wow. That was amazing. Angle is half his size. Angle puts in a nice hold. Six minutes passes and the match isn’t over yet. I’m not used to this. Now I’m convinced I’m watching Wrestlemania and not Smackdown. Angle goes for a move off the ropes but Kane counters into a Sidewalk Slam. Kane tries to follow with a suplex but Angle counters into a series of German Suplexes. Angle gets two then hits a flying clothesline. He goes to the top rope again. Kane is up this time and he punches Angle in the throat. Kane hits a big boot and back body drops Angle. Kane hits a BEAUTIFUL Tilt-a-Whirl Power Slam then hits his patented Chokeslam but Angle has his hand on the rope. Kane goes for a Tombstone but Kane hits the Angle Slam! 1…2…NO! Kane kicks out! Angle locks in the Ankle Lock. Kane is hurting BIG time but gets out. Angle simply locks it in again. Kane gets to the ropes, then hits the Enzuguri! Wow! Kane goes to the turnbuckle, all the way up to the top but Angle runs up and suplexes Kane!!! WOW!!! Angle tries for the Angle Slam but Kane counters into a roll-up and gets the pin!!!
WINNER: Kane via roll up.
GRADE: A welcome level up from what I’ve been watching.
Hurricane is trying to get out of the arena with the belt and spies on Godfather’s “ho’s”. Godfather chases him out.
- The Godfather would leave the WWE in 2002 to manage a Cheetah’s gentleman’s club in Vegas. Since then, he’s made a few very minor one-time appearances in the WWE.
Promo for Undertaker/Flair. This feels like a movie trailer for a Grisham flick with a full-on courtroom drama plot. It used to be that the match was signed and we had it…now, we have to see HOW the fuck it happens, including in the legal meeting rooms.
MATCH #5: Undertaker vs. Ric Flair in a No Disqualification Match
Undertaker out first in his lame gimmick of American Badass. Then comes Flair who runs in and starts to beat on Undertaker. The Undertaker looks like a total hick with his hair cut short. Four minutes go by and Flair is already blading “busted wide open”. I feel bad watching this match. It’s like watching some bodyguard kicking the shit out of an old man. The white hair doesn’t help, I know. Jim Ross sits there and tries to sell his 26-year-old “back injury” and talks about his face being a “crimson mask”. Blah. Undertaker pretty much beats the shit out of Flair here. This match is fucking boring and doesn’t get interesting until about a little more than halfway through when Flair starts to fight back. Undertaker goes for Old School but Flair reverses but Undertaker hits a Sidewalk Slam. Undertaker tries for a big boot but Flair ducks and hits some Flair Chops, knocking ‘Taker from the ring. Flair gets a lead pipe from Undertaker’s bike. Why does it have a random lead pipe? Because, as Heenan would say: “You never know when you’re gonna need a lead pipe!” Flair beats him with it but Undertaker takes over and just starts to beat Flair. Undertaker is “OMG BUSTED WIDE OPEN” or something like that. Flair has the random “KEEP OUT” sign that’s, ironically, stored under the ring. The match returns to the ring. Undertaker hits his choke…but Flair hits a low blow! Then he hits a Figure Four. The Undertaker is in pain but doesn’t submit. ‘Taker hits a choke and breaks out of the F4 and the ‘Taker hits the Chokeslam but Flair gets his shoulder up. Punches and another pin. Two count. ‘Taker attacks the ref then goes for the Magical Random Lead Pipe of Doom From Undertaker’s Bike. But Flair hits some Flair chops. Arn Anderson comes in and hits a Spinebuster out of fucking nowhere but Flair only gets a two-count. The Undertaker goes after Anderson and beats him, hitting a Big Boot. Flair is wobbling outside while The Undertaker hits some sort of submission move. Flair hits some chair shots on the Undertaker before ‘Taker boots Flair to the face. Undertaker tries The Last Ride but botches it. So, he goes for the Tombstone instead and fuck Flair. He’s out.
WINNER: Undertaker via Tombstone
GRADE: B-. This should have been over in four seconds. But I can see why it was extended. Undertaker went 10-0 here.
Post-match, Undertaker arbitrarily attacks the ref because tough guy, then he rolls out on his bike.
Backstage, Michael Cole is with Booker T, talking about his match with Edge. Booker tries to prove that he’s “smart”.
MATCH #6: Edge vs. Booker T
Booker comes out first. Edge is out next. The crowd is loving him. Teddy Long is the ref, here. The match is like watching a match on Raw. The moves are horribly sold and it’s too quick. Nobody hits a kick like Booker T; he’s just badass at doing that. He gets some two-counts. JR hits his wrestler knowledge: “Both these men have something in common – they were both voted off ‘The Weakest Link’.” Nice job, JR. Booker T tries to hit the Scissors Kick but misses and Edge nearly gets a two-count. Edge hits a kick off the top rope and gets another two-count. Booker hits a roll-up two-count and Edge catapults him into the turnbuckle. Edge tries the Spear but misses. Booker does the Spinaroonie and then hits the Scissors Kick. 1…2…and Edge kicks out. My heart…was in my throat…Edge hits a nice takedown and another Spear but only gets two. Edge performs and “Edgearoonie”. There’s a serious amount of reversals between the guys and Edge gets the Edgecution to get the win.
WINNER: Edge via Edgecution.
GRADE: C+ for me. Booker really isn’t all that great here.
Meanwhile, Hurricane is backstage. Coach tries to interview him and Molly Holly shows up, bonks him over the head with a frying pan and wins the title. Hey, Vince, just because you OWN the WCW doesn’t mean you should do what THEY did.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Molly Holly.
- Shane Helms would wrestle with the WWE for eight more years but would never see Wrestlemania action again. In February of 2010, he was released from his contract. He now wrestles independently and lives with his girlfriend. In 2012, they had a baby boy.
The lead-up promo with Austin vs. Scott Hall is showing. Hall says that “nobody embarrasses Scott Hall”. He sounds drunk even there.
MATCH #7: “Stone Cold” Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall (w/ Kevin Nash)
Austin is out first. Hall is out next. He motions to the back and Nah comes out with him. Austin is giving them a look like, “This is so fucking lame”. From top of the card to this. Austin, reportedly, didn’t want to job to Hogan, so he got this shit – beating up drunken, drug-using WCW-rejects. Austin DOES get a Stunner on Hall but Nash interferes. Nash enters and Austin hits a Stunner on both men. He covers Hall and a ref flies in, counting as he goes but Nash interferes, elbowing the ref, which should be an IMMEDIATE DQ. But it’s not. Hall tries for The Outsider’s Edge but Austin reverses it. A band of refs tell Nash to get to the back, like, now. Austin tosses Hall into the ring, tries for a Stunner but Hall hits it instead. The ref awakens…1…2…Austin kicks out. Hall tries a Stunner but Austin reverses and hits the Stunner. He wins the match.
WINNER: Austin via Stunner.
GRADE: C-. Worst Wrestlemania match of Austin’s career.
- Austin would keep a low profile until 2003. According to my research, he was incredibly unhappy with the nWo angle.
We get a look at WWF Axxess.
MATCH #8: Billy & Chuck (champions) vs. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von) (challengers) (w/ Stacy Keibler), the APA (Bradshaw & Farooz) (challengers) and The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff) (challengers) in a Four Corners Elimination Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship
Saliva, who have GOT to be running out of “songs about wrestling” by now, rocks out for, like, three minutes about the Dudley Boyz. APA is out next. The Hardy Boyz are out next. Then Billy and Chuck who are just lost on the crowd. The whole “Billy and Chuck” thing didn’t work in WCW and I have absolutely ZERO idea why Vince thought it would work here. This is overbooking at its finest. Bradshaw walks into the 3D and is eliminated first, if you care. Jeff Hardy rips his shirt off, exposing a pale white, non-muscular physique, after kicking Bubba Ray Dudley’s ass and the ladies in the crowd pop, proving that Canada has extremely low standards when it comes to men. Stacy Keibler gets on the mat and shakes her ass. Hardy spanks it, kisses her and than pushes her off the mat after that. The Dudleyz, randomly, set up tables which Billy and Chuck send D-Von through. Matt Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on Bubba. Jeff gets the legdrop and the pin. The Dudleyz are gone. Hardy hits a Twist of Fate and Jeff gets the legdrop on Chuck. Matt takes out Billy. Chuck gets the two-count. With the ref distracted, Billy comes into the ring with one of the belts and hits Jeff, escaping. Chuck gets the pin. Billy and Chuck retain.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPS: Billy and Chuck via cheating.
GRADE: C+ match. I really didn’t care about any of these guys save for the HardyZ and they didn’t really send me much either.
- Monty Sopp (AKA “Billy”) was released from the WWE in late 2004. He was incredibly critical of the WWE in an interview he gave, saying that he didn’t like where things were headed and that Triple H ran things. For the next four years, Sopp would work for TNA. He currently wrestles independently.
- Chuck Palumbo was released the same time as Sopp. He would wrestle independently for the next two years before returning to the WWE. He entered a storyline with Jamie Noble in mid 2007 but it was dropped and Palumbo left again in 2008. He has wrestled independently since then and is also a musician.
Backstage, Hall and Nash talk about interfering in Hogan’s match. Hogan interrupts and tells them not to. He needs to do this alone. Hall and Nash both agree that they’re still gonna beat up Rock.
Meanwhile, Molly Holly runs through a hallway backstage and runs into a door, knocking herself unconscious. Christian pins her and wins the Hardcore Title.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Christian
We get a Hogan promo where he whines. Yes, you brought this bullshit back here, Vince. Way to go. I love the promo they show – Rock came to the ring and challenged Hogan. He accepted. Rock gave him a Rock Bottom. nWo helps up Hogan and Hogan beats on The Rock because Hogan is not allowed to look weak.
MATCH #9: The Rock vs. “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan
Hogan is out first and the crowd adores him. He just stands there and smiles. Rock out next and the crowd actually starts booing. Like I said – the intelligence level of most WWF fans wasn’t very high. The fans are rabid right now. This is the loudest I’ve ever seen Skydome during Wrestlemania since Warrior/Hogan. Hogan locks up Rock, then gives him THE SHOVE OF DOOM. Rock looks shocked. He tells Rock to “Bring it”. Another lock up and a headlock by Hogan. The crowd starts shouting “Rocky Sucks”. Morons. Hogan hits THE SHOULDERBLOCK OF DOOM. Then he does his idiotic Hogan Poses. Hogan punches Rock over and over. Then hits THE PSEUDO-CLOTHESHANDFOREARMLINE OF DOOM. Rock knocks Hogan down. Crowd boos. He tells Hogan to “bring it”. This is so fucking stupid. Hogan shoves Rock. Rock shoves Hogan. Rock lays the smackdown on Hogan and the crowd is booing again. Rock just starts hitting Hogan more and Hogan kicks him. Rock goes for the Rock Bottom but Hogan counters. Hogan hits a forearm. Then an elbow. Then an elbow. Then the FOOTEYERAKE OF DOOM. Then punches Rock in the corner. Irish Whip and clothesline in the corner. Hogan goes for a big boot and misses it completely, then turns it into a punch. Rock takes down Hogan and beats Hogan up. Crowd boos. Hogan with a back suplex. Two-count. Hogan hits the Abdominal Stretch. Cradle and Hogan gets two. Hogan hits THE BACKRAKE OF DOOM and Rock is selling it like it’s the most painful thing in the world. Hogan punches Rock in the corner, then bites him. Rock turns the tables and hits Flair chops in the corner. The idiot crowd boos Rock. Hogan hits a pseudo Rock Bottom then chokes Rock. Hogan takes his belt off and chokes Rock. Rock reverses a punch and the crowd is pissed. Rock rushes Hogan and Hogan tosses him out. Outside, Hogan clears the announce table and then Rock pounds Hogan’s head into it. Rock grabs a chair but the ref takes it away and Hogan clotheslines Rock. Hogan picks Rock up and puts him into the ring. Hogan hits a double axehandle off the ropes and Rock runs into the ref. Hogan punches Rock and Rock hits a Spinebuster. Hogan gets up. Rock gets Hogan on his back and then hits the Sharpshooter. The ref it out, however. Hogan holds the ropes but Rock drags Hogan back out. Hogan taps but the ref is still out. Rock wakes the ref or tries to. The crowd, being idiots, chants that “Rocky Sucks”. Hogan hits a low blow and a Rock Bottom and gets a near fall. I might add that the ref wakes up IMMEDIATELY after Hogan pins Rock. Hogan uses his heavy belt to whip Rock. The ref can’t see it because he’s only allowed to see when Hogan’s winning clean. Rock hits a DDT. He gets Hogan’s belt and whips Hogan like Hogan did to Rock. Rock waits and then hits a Rock Bottom. 1…2…Hogan kicks out and does his stupid fucking Hulk Up of Doom. Um…”evil Hulk” doesn’t do this shit. Hulk does the FINGERPOINT OF DOOM, the HEADSHAKE OF DOOM, Big Boot and the Legdrop. 1…2…kick out. Good. Fuck Hogan. He stands Rock up and punches him. Hogan hits the Big Boot again but misses the Leg Drop of Doom. Rock waits and hits the Rock Bottom. Rock doesn’t cover. Instead, he hits another Rock Bottom. Then he goes for the People’s Elbow and wins the match. Love it.
WINNER: The Rock via People’s Elbow
GRADE: B-. I really wanted to hate this but Hogan jobbing clean is good.
Post-match, Rock celebrates. Hogan tries to get up. Rock continues to celebrate. Hogan is up and Rock yells at him. Hogan looks at him and to the crowd and just extends his hand. Rock looks around. Then he nods and shakes his hand. Hogan puts his hand out as if to say, “go celebrate, kid…this is your moment.”
Then Hogan points at Rock and Rock accepts it. Hogan stands in the ring and gives him a thumbs up…and, now, this borders on bullshit. Hall and Nash arrive and start to attack Hogan and, NOW, here comes the Hulk Hogan moment because Hogan just CAN’T be the guy who loses. He has to have his moment, too. It’s like a kid’s birthday party where a parent can’t just tell their kid that this is their sibling’s birthday and that they don’t get gifts and, instead, to placate their children, they ALSO buy them something to open so the other child doesn’t feel left out.
Rock comes running back in the ring and beats the crap out of Nash while Hogan takes out Hall.
Hogan, Hall and Nash shout insults and Hogan tries to reason with them. Hogan tries to leave the ring but Rock won’t let him. Now Rock wants him back to pose. Hogan won’t do it. Rock tells him to get back in and do it. Hogan does it. He does his “Let me hear it” and poses.
Rock starts to pose and tells Hogan to do it more. Rock stands there, grinning like an idiot. Rock shakes Hogan’s hand.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND!!!
Hogan and Rock walk back to the back together. Hogan raises Rock’s hand, then leaves.
- Scott Hall was released from the WWE citing family issues. For the next ten years after that, Hall has been between Japan, Independent leagues, WWC and TNA. I cannot corroborate drug reports but Hall has had a hell of a life and has been through rehab and back several times. In 2013, he went to live with Dallas Page and Jake Roberts where he got clean and sober. He will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2014 along with Jake Roberts.
- Kevin Nash would continue to wrestle but would be released in 2003. He would wrestle with TNA until 2010 and makes sporadic appearances in the WWE. He was recently seen in the Steven Soderbergh film “Magic Mike”.
We get a look at the Wrestlemania party in New York.
Back in the arena, Howard Finkel says that Wrestlemania has set a NEW Skydome attendance record of 68,237 people.
MATCH #10: Jazz (champion) vs. Trish Stratus (challenger) vs. Lita (challenger) in a Triple Threat Match for the WWF Women’s Championship
Jazz is out first, then Lita who is sexy as all hell. Trish is out next after this. Jazz is a tough woman. I liked her. Her and Trish kinda had a rivalry for a while. Jazz hated Trish and used to fucking destroy her in the ring. The match is your typical woman’s match. I like how hard the girls fight but there’s just no real reason to be excited here. The women are hot, yeah, but, meh. Lita tries to rip her shirt off and nearly does. Then he leaps off the top ropes but Trish puts her knees up. Jazz comes out of a deep sleep and Trish nearly gets a pin. Lita tries a suplex but Trish reverses. Lita tosses Trish into the turnbuckle which just looked painful. She falls out of the ring. Lita and Trish fight on the turnbuckle but Jazz shoves Trish off the mat, hits a Fisherman’s Suplex off the turnbuckle on Lita and gets the pin.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Jazz via Fisherman’s Suplex.
GRADE: B- for what it was.
Backstage, Christian is the Hardcore Champ, tries to get in his cab. He looks at the fucking TERRIBLE Hardcore belt (a version of the 90’s WWF Championship that’s been beat to shit and splattered with crap) and says, “It’s so beautiful…I can ALMOST see myself!” Ha. Anyhow, Maven comes up behind him, attacks him and pins him to win the belt, then he takes Christian’s cab and leaves the arena.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Maven
- Maven’s career went nowhere. He left the WWE in 2005, wrestled independently and then just came to a dead-end in his TV career with a short stint with the Home Shopping Network on their morning show. In 2012, he had trouble with drugs and underwent rehab, courtesy of the WWE’s Health and Wellness program. He has been working as a bouncer in New York since 2013. It’s good to know he’s one of the lucky ones who survived addiction.
MATCH #11: Triple H (challenger) vs. Chris Jericho (champion) (w/ Stephanie McMahon) for the Undisputed WWF Championship
Drowning Pool plays a variation of Triple H’s theme. I think it’s them, at least. I don’t know how one could differentiate them from those other guys. Seriously, you can’t hear anything but “HERE COMES THE PAIN” and “WRESTLEMANIA! YEAH!” The line, “It’s all about the game and how you play it” sounds like somebody mashing their face too close against a phone and mumbling, “Hallabooahame…handhoohayit…” Jericho is out next. Jericho’s entrance has always been one of my favorites. His theme is one of the most memorable wrestling themes in recent memory and he’s got such energy. Jericho comes walking down to the ring with both belts. The match is kinda slow and it doesn’t take Steph long to interfere in it. HHH, at one point, gets sick of the first bout of interference and grabs her and is about to Pedigree her but Jericho makes a save. Jericho spends eight years outside giving Triple H a ringpost Figure Four. Triple H had just returned from back surgery at this point and that may have been the reason for a lot of his slowness but the match drags like you would not believe. I’ve never heard a crowd so dead during the main event. I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but Hogan and Rock was a better main event. Triple H does hit a Lionsault AND a Walls of Jericho and HHH tries to get to the ropes but Jericho drags him back to the center. The crowd is silent right now. When HHH gets to the ropes, there’s a nice round of applause from a few people. Yaaaaay. Jericho tries to get a chair but HHH takes him out, then DDT’s him into the chair. Stephanie gets into the ring with a chair and goes to whack HHH but the ref grabs it and yells at her to get out. She shoves the ref and tells him to “make her”, cuz, you know, the writers are six years old. Then she backs right into HHH who Pedigree’s her and then yells in her face. From behind, Jericho whacks HHH with a chair and only gets two. HHH favors his “injured leg”. Jericho tries a Pedigree but Triple H slings him into the turnbuckle. But Jericho catches the turnbuckle and leaps at HHH who kicks him and hits the Pedigree. HHH is your new Undisputed Champ.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Triple H via Pedigree.
GRADE: C+ main event. It just moved too slow.
Post-match, Triple H celebrates while Jim Ross does his usual hoarse, “ITSANEWCHAMPIOOOON! TRIPLE H HAS INTESTINAL FORTITUDE!!! OMG!!!”
(Suddenly, MAVEN APPEARS AND PINS HIM FOR THE TITLE! #RUSSOSWERVE! Oh, how I wish.)
Overall, I’d give the event a B-. It wasn’t great but it wasn’t bad, either.
‘Til next time.
— Matt