THIS RETRO BUSINESS – NWA Starrcade ’86 – The Sky Walkers: November 27, 1986

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Both the WWF and NWA were going head to head like fighter jets in Top Gun because I have no other analogy I can use and that was the first thing that popped into my head because it was on last night.

This Starrcade was called “The Sky Walkers” which sounds like a bad 80’s TV Show spin-off of the Star Wars films. There were no “Sky Walkers” here. There weren’t any “Skywalkers”. There was no Luke. There was no Anakin. There wasn’t even Shmi. I think that was her name. I honestly don’t remember and that movie was shit anyhow so I don’t care, either. There was one match that involved climbing stuff, referred to as “a Skywalk” and it was 7 minutes long in a near-four-hour event.

I’m guessing that Magnum TA’s accident really messed things up. He was slated to fight Flair for the gold but the accident ended that dream, so the Crockett legion was probably forced to scramble because who the fuck wants to build Starrcade around Flair and Nikita goddamn Koloff?
I also loved how they separated the words, “Sky” and “Walkers”, allowing them to use the name and, at the same time, preventing George Lucas from hosting a legal convention inside of Jim Crockett’s ass.

Now that I put that lovely visual inside your head, it’s time to review Starrcade ’86! May the force be–uh, I mean, May you join me in spirit!

We are LIVE(!!!) from the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, NC for Starrcade ’86!
We are also LIVE(!!!) from The Omni in Atlanta, GA for Starrcade ’86: Wrestling Strikes Back!

The ring has a giant scaffold above it, perfect for Sky Walking.

Tom Miller brings us in and it’s National Anthem time.

Tony Schiavone (w/ Bro-stache) and Rick Stewart are at The Omni in Atlanta, GA…so I guess we’re doing the split-arena thing again.

From Greensboro, we have Bob Caudle and Johnny Weaver who’s STILL shit on the mic.

MATCH #1: Nelson Royal & Tim Horner vs. Don & Rocky Kernodle
Horner and Rocky start us out with some neat reversals and counters. Rocky misses a dropkick and tags in Don who hits a huge powerslam on Horner for two. Don is tagged in and shoulderblocks Royal but Royal comes back with an Abdominal Stretch. That’s also short-lived as Don hip tosses Royal to the mat. Royal tags in Horner again who cradles Don for two. Don comes back with a hip toss after a headlock. Horner gets to his feet and tags Royal who hits a Sleeper. Before he’s taken down, Don tags Rocky who climbs the ropes and comes into the ring with a Flying Sunset Flip on Royal for two. Rocky hits a slam but misses a Crossbody. Royal gets a one count and tags in Horner who hits a nice powerslam in stride for two. The two men try to hit a flying shoulderblock and end up hitting heads and then fall to the mat. Don gets tagged in and he hits a Delayed Suplex on Horner for two. Big body drop by Don but he misses the running headbutt. Horner gets up and hits a quick dropkick for two. Don reverses an Irish Whip and hits a big clothesline. He’s winded and tags in Rocky who hits a nice Press Slam on Horner for two. He tries a side suplex but Horner reverses. It’s a series of roll-up pins and Horner finally gets the three count to end it.
WINNER: Royal and Horner via pinfall.
GRADE: Solid “B” for me. Everyone, however, is so unmemorable and generic that I had to watch this twice to see who was who. Hope I got the names right. Doesn’t matter because, with the exception of Horner, most of these guys were blah.

  • Don Kernodle left the NWA in ’86 and would wrestle independently. Since 2002, him and his brother, Rocky, have wrestled for the CWF several times a year.
  • Rocky Kernodle also left in ’86. See above.
  • Nelson Royal stopped wrestling shortly after this.
  • Tim Horner left the NWA in 1987, competing in the WWF through the rest of the 80’s as a Jobber to the Stars. He was co-owner of the Smoky Mountain Wrestling through the first half of the 90’s (where he would also compete) but had a falling out with Jim Cornette. He returned, for a short time, to the WCW as a Jobber to the Stars before retiring.
Back to Atlanta…
 
MATCH #2: Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin (w/ Precious) vs. Brad Armstrong
Both men look like rockers from the 80’s. They lock up to begin, shove each other, counter each others moves and don’t do much for the first few minutes. Watching this on the WWE Network bites because I can usually see how close I am to the end of a match and this particular event doesn’t have that. Anyhow, Armstrong puts Garvin to the mat with an armbar and gets a series of two counts. Garvin reverses with an armbar of his own and the two both go to the mat and it’s ANOTHER Armstrong armbar. Then a Garvin hold, then Armstrong with head scissors. Holy shit, this sucks. Then it’s just a series of holds and what-not by both guys with Garvin occasionally yelling, “HE AIN’T GOIN’ NOWHERE”. Finally, Armstrong gets to his feet and trips Garvin who slaps the mat. But, “tapping out” wasn’t a thing back then…so it’s on with more submission bullshit with Garvin hitting head scissors after Precious distracted the ref.

Garvin counters with a handstand and gets out, then hits a hip toss…and guess what? Armstrong hits ANOTHER HEAD SCISSORS. Stewart remarks, after a huge block of silence, that the ref’s gotta “watch out because that move can be turned into an illegal chokehold”. Armstrong gets out and Garvin’s in a headlock and this just gets worse as it goes on. Garvin gets out of it with a side suplex and then dumps Armstrong out of the ring. Once he gets back in, Garvin pins him for a two count, then drops Armstrong’s neck on the rope to finally prove that these guys know more than leg submissions. Garvin tries several pins on Armstrong which doesn’t work. He shoulderblocks Garvin and gets his own two. Armstrong whips Garving into the buckle and gets two. Garvin tries a sleeper and small package but Armstrong reverses. Neither gets the pin. Garvin slams Armstrong and goes to the top rope. He misses a splash and the bell rings because time’s up and the crowd, for some reason, is losing their shit over a draw.
WINNER: No contest
GRADE: F. This was awful. Got a bit better towards the end but it was too little, too late. The ending sunk it.

Post-match, Garvin and Armstrong brawl. Garvin gets tossed from the ring. Precious gets in Armstrong’s face and Garvin sneaks up on him. Armstrong, however, tosses Garvin from the ring again.

Back in Greensboro…

MATCH #3: Shaska Whatley & The Barbarian vs. Baron von Raschke & Hector Guerrero
This is a “special grudge match”. All four dudes just brawl, then it’s a Reverse Irish Whip spot where the heels run into one another. Guerrero and Whatley are together to start. Whatley gets the upper hand and tags Barbarian who misses a big boot. Guerrero tries a cross body but Barbarian catches him and drops his neck on the ropes. He gets Whatley to hold Guerrero and then charges at him but Barbarian flies outside the ring. Baron comes over to beat on Barbarian. Whatley gets in the middle of it. Whatley beats on Guerrero and tosses him back in the ring. Barbarian hits a HUGE powerslam and leg drop and tags in Whatley. Whatley hits an Irish Whip and body drop. Tag to Barbarian who boots Guerrero in the face and hits a HUGE backbreaker after that. BIG headbutt by Barbarian and another tag to Whatley. The heels do a big double backdrop and get two. Guerrero tries to make a tag but can’t.

Whatley puts Guerrero in the heel corner where Barbarian holds on to him. Whatley starts hitting punches and tags Barbarian who hits another huge boot to the head. Two count. Guerrero struggles to try to get a tag but Barbarian stops him and hits backbreakers, tagging in Whatley who headbutts Guerrero. Guerrero FINALLY counters an Irish Whip and tags Baron who beats on both men, then kicks at Whatley, hitting the Claw but Barbarian comes in to interfere. It’s a brawl. Whatley miss a corner splash, Baron hits an elbow after he hits the mat and pins for three even though Whatley pretty much kicked out of the pin, but ok.
WINNER: Baron & Guerrero via pinfall
GRADE: C-. Eh…Guerrero got destroyed for most of this and then Baron comes in, hits a few moves and wins the match? Blech.

  • Hector Guerrero was the lesser-known brother of Chavo and Eddie. He would compete in the NWA and AWA until 1990…where he made an appearance as one of the WWF’s more infamous gimmicks…more on that soon…
  • Pez Whatley would wrestle for the NWA until 1990 when he went to the WWF. He would wrestle there for two years as a Jobber to the Stars and make a return to the WCW in 1995.
  • The Barbarian left the NWA for the WWF in 1988.
Bob Caudle sends us backstage to a constipated Johnny Weaver who tries to get an interview with Dusty Rhodes. Rhodes tells him to piss off. Weaver practically has a mini-stroke on camera and pretty much says, “There you have it: Dusty told me to get fucked and I’m getting fucked and I’m liking it.”
Back to Atlanta…
 
MATCH #4: The Kansas Jayhawks (Bobby Jaggers & Dutch Mantel) (challengers) vs. The Russians (Krusher Kruschev & Ivan Koloff) (champions) in a No-Disqualification Match for the NWA United States Tag Team Championship
Christ…how can there be a “US Tag Team Championship”? And if it’s a no-DQ, why are we tag-teaming? The ref even five-counts guys as they do usually-illegal shit and Schiavone points that out…I still don’t get that. Anyhow, Kruschev gets in with Dutch who kicks at Krusher off an Irish Whip. They put Krusher in their corner and double team him a bit. Dutch misses a toehold and it’s a tag to Koloff who punches Dutch in the corner. He tosses Dutch into the corner and misses a spear. Dutch misses a clothesline in the corner but pulls up before damaging himself. More double teaming by the Russians and Dutch gets tossed from the ring. One of the Russians Atomic Drops his nuts on the steel railing outside and goes to work, double-teaming him back in the ring. Koloff hits a nice strike off the top ropes and then both Russians try a double clothesline but Dutch reverses it and tags in Jaggers who double headbutts both men and clotheslines Koloff getting two. It’s a four-man brawl again as Koloff and Dutch fall out of the ring. Krusher and Jaggers are in the ring as Krusher hits a bearhug. Koloff grabs a chain and tries to go off the top rope but Dutch gets a bullwhip(!?) and whips Koloff and nails Krusher with it. Dutch falls out of the ring again, Jaggers gets the chain and the Russians get the pin to keep the titles.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Russians via pinfall
GRADE: D+. Still didn’t have that No-DQ thing down, clunky finish, and that stupid Sky Walk wrapped around the top of the ring is ludicrously distracting when you’re not using it.
  • Robert Jeaudoin (AKA “Bobby Jaggers”) was a former officer with the United States Army and served in Vietnam for a year and a half. Following the war, he had a small career in wrestling, finishing up with the NWA in spring of 1987. In July of 1988, his colleague, Bruiser Brody, was murdered (in self-defense) in their locker room by wrestler Jose Gonzalez, which made him re-think his career in the business. He made it to the WWF but his career was short-lived, working as a Jobber. He would end up retiring in 1991. Following this, Jeaudoin went back to school, studying engineering at KC University and ended up working for the Department of Homeland Security as a road and bridge specialist in 2007. In 2012, Jeaudoin passed away due to Renal Failure from a contraction of Hepatitis C during his years in Vietnam. He was 64 years old.
  • Barry Darsow (AKA “Krusher Kruschev”) would finish out his time with the NWA at the end of 1986 where he would go on to wrestle with the WWF…as “Smash” of Demolition.
Back in Greensboro…
 
MATCH #5: Rick Rude (w/ Paul Jones) vs. Wahoo McDaniel in an Indian Strap Match
Rick Rude’s theme music has a really weird woman’s voice that starts out all 80’s porn star sexy and then gets fucking creepy. Anyhow, this is another match where the two guys are connected via a strap. The only way to win is touch all four corner turnbuckles after tying up your opponent. Small brawl to start. Wahoo hits a shoulderblock and chokes Rude with the strap when he’s down. Rude tries to go outside but Wahoo pulls him back in. Rude puts Wahoo in a side headlock and gets him down to the mat, choking him. The two get back up and it’s more punching with the strap. Wahoo looks tired here. Rude just punches him with the strap and kicks him in the corner. He picks up Wahoo and slams him down, then ties his wrists with the strap and drags him to two corners, tapping each one. Wahoo finally kicks at Rude and escapes.

Wahoo punches at Rude in the corner, then whips him, repeatedly, with the strap. Rude’s busted open as is Wahoo. Wahoo hits a chop off of an Irish Whip and then ties up Rude’s wrists and goes to tap each turnbuckle. He gets two, then three and then tries to get the last one. Rude locks his foot on the rope and kicks out. Rude stomps Wahoo and goes to the top turnbuckle, hitting a forearm to the throat. Rude ties up Wahoo’s wrists but Wahoo kicks free. Rude goes up top again but Wahoo rolls out of the way and pulls Rude down, hitting an elbow drop. Wahoo ties up Rude and gets three posts. He drags to the 4th with all his might but Paul Jones interferes. Wahoo nails him and hits the 4th buckle for the win, I guess. It’s not clear. Jones and Rude tie up Wahoo and stomp away at him.
WINNER: Wahoo McDaniel
GRADE: D-. 

Post-match, Baron and Guerrero make the save.

  • Rude would leave the NWA in mid-1987 and move on the WWF.
  • Wahoo would go to AWA late in the decade and make a return to WCW in the early 90’s.
Backstage, we get an interview with The Russians, Krusher Kruschev and Ivan Koloff. Ivan says they want thousands of dollars (THOUSANDS OF DOLLAS!) in the Bunkhouse Stampede Match. They threaten Dusty Rhodes for “brainwashing Nikita Koloff”. Krusher goes from Russian to American to pseudo-Spanish and back to Russian. What a character actor.
MEANWHILE, IN ATLANTA…
MATCH #6: Bill Dundee (challenger) vs. Sam Houston (champion) for the NWA Central States Heavyweight Championship
Holy crap, another meaningless belt with two more guys that really went nowhere. By the way, we’re halfway through the card now and we’re not even at the two hour mark on the show which means we have six more matches to cover in a little less than three hours. Initial lock-ups have Houston tossing Dundee to the mat. The next exchange sees Houston getting put into the headlock. That ends when Houston gets to the ropes. Houston comes back with a nice Headscissors Takedown and holds it like that for a couple seconds. Dundee busts out but Houston hits armdrags. They lock up and Dundee pulls Houston down in a headlock using his hair. He converts it to an armlock and then gets two. The two get up again and Houston tries for a bulldog and there’s a series of reversals ending with a pin by Dundee which gets one. The two lock up again. Houston gets ejected from the ring. Dundee goes after him and Houston dumps Dundee over the railing in front of the crowd using an Atomic Drop.
Houston gets back in the ring. Dundee climbs back in the ring and Houston uses the top rope to sling him back in, getting a two count. Dundee is put in the corner but kicks Houston in the face. Dundee goes up top and hits a huge right hand. Two count. Dundee takes over and locks in a claw of sorts. He applies a chin lock to Houston and then an elbow, then dances around, hitting hard jabs. He struts around and pins Houston, getting two. Dundee goes for a Boston Crab. Houston reverses it and tries to roll up Dundee for a pin but Dundee gets to the ropes and then tosses Houston out of the ring. Dundee goes a for a rope walk that looks like a rudimentary version of Old School and gets two. Dundee puts Houston in a headlock but Houston fights out and punches away at Dundee. He hits an elbow off an Irish Whip and gets two. Houston drops a knee on Dundee and then follows with a body slam. He tries another knee but Dundee moves and starts working on that knee. Dundee tries an Indian Deathlock but Houston kicks Dundee into the ref. Dundee rips Houston’s boot off and whacks him with it but the ref sees it and calls for the bell.
WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: Sam Houston via DQ
GRADE: D+. This match never got off the ground. 

  • Houston would leave the NWA at the end of the year and turn up in the WWF in mid-1987.
  • Dundee would leave the NWA after 1987 and come back to WCW as a manager to Steven Regal, re-branded as, “Sir William”.
Back to Greensboro…
 
MATCH #7: Jimmy Valiant (w/ Big Mama) vs. Paul Jones in a Hair vs. Hair Match with Manny Fernandez locked in a cage
Fernandez refuses to get into the cage to start. The ref tells him to get into the cage but he refuses. Some wrestlers come running down to “persuade” him to get into the cage. Wahoo McDaniel hits a huge chop and the guys lock him up. The cage is raised above the ring as Fernandez jumps around, shaking the cage. Man, I’d never do that. Apparently, if Jones loses, he gets his head shaved. If Valiant loses, Big Mama gets her head shaved. Valiant sends Jones into a corner, beating the tar out of him. This keeps up for a couple minutes before Jones pulls something from his tights and hits Valiant in the head with it. He pins but Valiant kicks out. He tries again but Valiant gets a foot on the ropes. He clocks Valiant with it again and another kick-out. Valiant hulks up and punches at Jones, hitting a Sleeper. Jones grabs whatever the hell he used before but Valiant knocks it out of his hand, uses it on Jones and wins.
WINNER: Valiant via pinfall
GRADE: D-. Cutesy but crappy. 

Post-match, Jones gets his head shaved. The ref tries to unlock the cage and finally does so. Fernandez rushes in and attacks Valiant. Rick Rude joins him. Manny gets a chair and they piledrive Valiant into it. The heels cover Jones’ head and leave. The Monday Morning QB wrestlers arrive and tend to Valiant who deserved better.

  • Fernandez would wrestle for the NWA until about 1987. From then on, he would alternate between the Japan, Independent circuits and the AWA. He had one last match in 1999 where he lost to Chris Jericho. There are reports that he is still in the business in a limited capacity.
  • For the life of me, I can’t find any real information on Big Mama. Her name was Felicia Fanning. According to a single source, she passed in 2013. It appears as though she runs a furniture store in Florida. A review on the Google Plus site for the store says that Felicia helped them in 2014. 
  • Jimmy Valiant wrestled up until about 1988 and is retired. He teaches a wrestling school and frequently appears at independent wrestling shows.
BACK IN ATLANTA…
 
Tony Schiavone promotes the Bunkhouse Stampede and sends us to Bob Taylor who sends us to Nelson Royal. Talk about passing the buck. Nelson Royal is sitting at a campfire and pours coffee or something and tells us all about that there stampede. He reckons this is gonna be a good ‘un. H’yuck.
We get a short intermission.
A plug for the Jim Crockett Memorial Cup which will have several wrestlers competing for the biggest prize ever! I mean, that’s NOT counting the World Championship and that Stampede money! Anyhow, we get clips of the last one in the SUPERDome (heh.)
MATCH #8: Ron Garvin vs. Big Bubba (w/ Jim Cornette) in a Louisville Street Fight
One gimmick match after another. This one is kinda like a Last Man Standing Match. The only way to win is to knock your opponent out for the count of ten. Garvin gets a couple of quick shots early. Bubba consults with Cornette and then goes for a test of strength because that’s a common technique in street fights. Garvin clocks him and out of the ring he goes. Cornette tells him to get back in there. Bubba gets back in there and tosses Garvin out. They face off again in the ring and Garvin gets tossed again. This time, he gets back with some water and uses it on Bubba, knocking him around and ejecting him from the ring. Garvin pulls him back in and chokes him. Bubba comes back and puts Garvin in the corner, hitting a kneelift and punches him hard with a roll of nickels which fly all over the ring. Garvin gets up at 7. Bubba slams him and splashes him. Garvin struggles and gets up at 8. He grabs a rope from his boot and chokes Bubba with it. Then he starts tying up Bubba’s feet and punching at him. He ties the rope to Bubba…and doesn’t do much with the other end of it.

Bubba comes back, busted open. He punches at Garvin and locks in a bear hug. Garvin headbutts out of it. Bubba picks him back up again but, again, Garvin headbutts out. Garvin starts hitting shots to Bubba’s head again and Bubba oversells the punch, flipping himself out of the ring. Ref: “One!” Tony: “There’s one!” *Sigh…* Bubba gets up at six and gets back into the ring. More punches and Bubba’s back outside the ring again. Garvin continues to take shots but Bubba grabs him and puts him back in the ring. Bubba goes to the top buckle but Garvin press slams him off. Garvin gets one but Bubba kicks out. The ref gets bumped in the process. Garvin hits a piledriver but Cornette whacks him with the tennis racket. Another ref slides in and counts both men out…somebody at ringside tells the ref that there needs to be a winner. The first man up wins. Garvin was up first but Cornette nails him again and Bubba gets up for the win.
WINNER: Big Bubba 
GRADE: D+. This was just very slow and way too clunky. The ending seemed almost botched to me, too.

  • Rogers was, in reality, Ray Traylor. This was his professional debut. He finished wrestling with NWA in 1987 and would move on to the WWF in 1988…as The Big Boss Man.
BACK TO GREENSBORO…
 
MATCH #9: Dusty Rhodes (champion) vs. Tully Blanchard (challenger) (w/ James J. Dillon) in a First Blood Match for the NWA World Television Championship
Stipulation for this one is simple. First wrestler busted oDusty gets the Goldberg-like entrance here, with the camera tracing his exit from the dressing room to the backstage area out to the ring. And, holy crap! Fog, lights and a little spark pyro? Don’t go nuts, NWA. Don’t wanna get too outta control. Dillon puts protective headgear on Blanchard and Dusty’s furious. The ref is pissed as well. Dillon removes the piece and tosses it angrily. Dillon turns and applies a shit-ton of grease to Blanchard’s face. The ref wipes it off. Dillon gets in Dusty’s face so Dusty hits a Bionic Elbow. Dusty struts as Blanchard isn’t very happy. Blanchard tends to Dillon who rolls outside the ring. After ALL of that, the match finally begins.
The two walk around the ring as Dillon’s busted open bad. Dusty dodges a lunge by Blanchard. Blanchard wants a test of strength. Dusty just kicks Blanchard. Blanchard goes for a shot to Dusty’s head. Dusty blocks it and tries some shots at Blanchard. Blanchard backs off. Another exchanges leads nowhere. The two lock up again. Blanchard kicks at Dusty and trips him up. Dusty goes for another head shot but Blanchard backs off and rolls out. Dusty hits a headbutt on Blanchard and then a snapmare. He stomps on Blanchard who backs into a corner. Dusty takes some shots to Blanchard’s gut and then then tries some headshots but Blanchard is still ok. Dusty locks Blanchard’s leg and then drops a couple elbows on his knee. He tries for some headshots but Blanchard rolls out of the ring. The ref starts counting him out even though this is First Blood, but who remembers that stuff?
Blanchard gets back in the ring and works on Dusty, clawing at Dusty’s face. Dusty gets up and snap mares him to the mat. Blanchard gets up and charges and Dusty just knocks him down. He rams Blanchard’s head into the buckle and works him over. The ref takes a bump, trying to get the two separated. Dusty hits a suplex and, again, they collide with the ref. Dusty hits a Bionic Elbow and works on Blanchard’s head, trying to cut him open. Blanchard starts bleeding but the ref is out like a light. Blanchard rolls over to Dillon. Dillon cleans him off and puts grease on Blanchard’s face. Dusty goes over to Blanchard and Dusty gets hit with a roll of coins. He’s cut open but doesn’t know and continues to wake the ref. When he does wake, he sees blood on Dusty’s face and calls for the bell. Blanchard’s the champ.
WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION: Tully Blanchard
GRADE: C+. Not too bad at all. Just slow with not a lot of wrestling or grappling.
 
Dusty’s furious, explaining to the ref that Blanchard was bleeding. Dusty shoves the ref into the corner and then knocks him out of the ring. The replay shows what happened and the graphic proclaims Blanchard as the “NEW TV CHAMPIONS”. Yes, that’s plural. Production value! The ring announcer confirms it.
IN ATLANTA…
 
MATCH #10: The Road Warriors (Hawk & Animal) (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. The Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton & Dennis Condrey) (w/ Jim Cornette & Big Bubba Rogers) in a Sky Walkers Match
OMG!!! TIME TO USE THE SCAFFOLD OF DOOM!!! The Warriors scale the scaffold and taunt the heels from above. The crowd loves this. The Warriors pace back and forth. So do the heels. Meanwhile, nothing happens. The stip for this one: you win by throwing your opponent off the scaffold, giving them several fractured bones and a level three concussion. Finally, Condrey climbs the scaffold, then comes back down after halfway up. They climb again, over and over, working up the courage to stay there as Jim Cornette whines that this “isn’t civilization”, whatever that means. The heels look frightened beyond belief.
It’s a brawl, mainly. Condrey tosses some sort of powder in the eyes of Hawk. Eaton does the same to Animal. Condrey works on Hawk and nearly has him off the scaffold with both legs. Animal works on Eaton and hangs by the metal and Animal’s leg but saves himself by getting his feet on the support beams below. Eaton is busted open and so is Condrey as the Warriors regain control of the match. Condrey’s had it and starts crawling down the support beam. Hawk punches at him as Condrey, for some reason, is trying to climb back up. Hawk climbs down after him and it’s a fight on the support beams. Eaton is doing the same and Animal goes with him. Suddenly, all four guys are hanging from the scaffold like kids on monkey bars. The Warriors kick the Express off and win.
WINNERS: The Road Warriors
GRADE: B-. Good spectacle but not worth the “feature match” label.
 
Post-match, Cornette climbs the scaffold as Ellering chased him up there. Cornette gets knocked off (he legit hurt his knee here) and the crowd loves it. Bubba carries him off.
We practically get to watch half the match again as we run through the replays.
Tony Schiavone plugs The Great American Bash ’87 and we get clips.
Schiavone, from Atlanta goes to the PARTY switch and flips it to OFF as Starrcade leaves Atlanta.
The credits roll…but we still have two matches in Greensboro. This thing has already run far too long.
GREENSBORO:
 
MATCH #11: The Rock n’ Roll Express (Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson) (champions) vs. Ole Anderson & Arn Anderson (challengers) in a Steel Cage Match for the NWA World Tag Team Championship
Oh goodie, a nice long, no-DQ cage match where they don’t have to tag or follow the rules but STILL tag and follow the rules and drag it out until you’re ready to slit your wrists from boredom. Ole and Marty Jann–er, Robert Gibson start. The Andersons double team Gibson who fights back and shoves Arn into the cage repeatedly. The Express takes turns punching. Ole gets tagged. He tosses Gibson into the cage and Morton is tagged in. Snap mare on Morton but he snaps up and trips Ole. Tag to Arn. He and Morton glare at one another and lock up. Morton tries to toss Arn into the cage but Arn blocks and backs off. Another lock up and a series of counters and reversals and another stalemate. Tag to Gibson who tosses Arn into the corner. Arn moves, Gibson leaps up on the cage but Arn’s all over him, grabbing his leg. Ole is tagged and he begin’s working on Gibson’s knee. In comes Arn. Ole taunts Gibson as Arn continues to work on Gibson’s knee. Gibson kicks him off and Arn goes flying into the cage. Tag to Ole.

Ole with even more stomps. Gibson punches at Ole but Ole takes him down in the corner and puts a lock on Gibson’s knee. This goes on for a couple minutes and then Arn’s tagged in to continue to spot. Gibson gets to his feet and hits an Enzuguri before making a hot tag. Morton takes shots at both Andersons before Ole tosses Morton into the cage, face-first. And it’s Morton’s turn to take a beating as Ole stomps, punches and kicks Morton. Arn does the same, rubbing Morton’s face against the cage, cutting him open. Morton tries fighting back but Arn locks Morton’s arm. Ole gets in now and tosses Morton, hard, into the corner, then applies an armbar. He lets go, tosses Morton into Arn’s knee and tags in Arn. Arn goes up top to try to take out Morton but Morton jumps up and fights back. Ole leaps in and takes out Morton, then hits a shoulderbreaker, getting two.

Tag to Arn. Morton tries to fight back but, holy shit, it’s just no use. Morton’s just getting beaten senseless. Morton FINALLY hits a kneelift off an Irish Whip but Arn grabs Morton and tags Ole again. Ole hits another armbar and stomps Morton. Morton punches back but the comeback is short-lived. Arn, from outside the ropes, beats on Morton. Ole goes for another armbar but Morton fights back and tries to make a tag. Guess what? Arn comes in and attacks Gibson, then hits a Spinebuster on Morton before taking yet, ANOTHER armbar. Ole’s back in and collides on an Irish Whip. Morton goes for a tag…but Arn stops him and here we go again. FINALLY, Morton fights back and gets enough space but OLE JUST FUCKING ATTACKS HIM and this match drags on. Gibson finally decides, hell with this and gets in the ring to beat up Arn. Suddenly, Morton pins Ole because Gibson dropkicks Morton on top of Ole and it’s over.
WINNERS AND STILL CHAMPIONS: The Rock n’ Roll Express
GRADE: D-. Wow. A giant pile of shit. This was needlessly, pointlessly long with a tacked-on finish that felt like everyone knew this had gone on far longer than was necessary and needed to stop.

Ric Flair’s out for the big match and — the hell?! There’s some weird montage with a bushy-haired guy running on the beach and approaching what looks like his Mom or something. It’s set to some late 90’s-esque song you’d hear on college radio. Then, it’s back to the match. Am I gonna die in 7 days, WHATTHEFUCKWASTHAT?!

Magnum TA (who I am assuming that video was for — and it was, I’m learning) had an accident that ended his career. So, they made Koloff the big face. He still got booed because ‘Murica, but this was a move that had to be made as there was no more Harley Race, Steamboat was in the WWF, Dusty wasn’t interested in the title and there really wasn’t anyone else.

IN ATLANTA…

MATCH #12: NWA United States Champion Nikita Koloff (challenger) vs. Ric Flair (champion) for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship
The two grapple and Koloff shoves Flair back. This happens a couple of times. Flair regroups and then Koloff uses strength to push Flair to the mat before Flair hits chops. Koloff no-sells after two of them and Flair bails from the ring. The action moves back in ring again and another lock up ending with Flair on the mat. Flair yells that Koloff is gonna get his butt kicked. He chokes at Koloff in the corner and then gets hip tossed. A couple more times and Koloff just starts hitting slams, tossing Flair across the ring over and over. Flair begs off and tells the ref to get Koloff to back off. Rope run ends in a shoulderblock and bear hug by Koloff. Flair gets to the ropes and Koloff is told to break. Koloff rams his shoulders into Flair and then whips Flair into the other corner, but misses on a charge. Flair suplexes him but Koloff just gets up like the Undertaker and Flair just bails out of the ring again.

Once back in, Flair begs off again. Another lock up ends in a headlock by Koloff. Flair puts Koloff in the corner and elbows out, chopping at Koloff. Koloff whips Flair into the ropes and hits the Russian Hammer. Koloff charges at Flair but Flair pulls the top rope down and Koloff flies out of the ring. Flair goes outside and pulls Koloff’s knee into the post, then walks back into the ring and clips Koloff, knocking him down. Flair stomps at Koloff and then chops his chest, knocking him down. Flair hits the Figure Four and cheats by holding the rope. Koloff reverses the Figure Four and Flair is forced to break. Flair grabs Koloff’s head and rubs his eyes on the top ring rope, slapping at Koloff’s chest. Koloff hulks up and comes at Flair. Flair chops at Koloff again and tries to swarm him in the corner but Koloff shoves Flair away. He tries to toss Koloff into the corner but Koloff whips Flair into the ropes and shoulderblocks him. He runs at Flair again but Flair sends Koloff outside.

Flair chases and rams Koloff’s head into the metal scaffold that’s still sitting there. Flair puts Koloff back in and runs Koloff’s eyes on the rope again. Knee drop by Flair and he gets two. Koloff is busted open as Flair hits a Side Suplex. Flair gets two again and starts punching at Koloff’s cut. Koloff gets up like the fucking Terminator again and lurches toward Flair, ramming him with shoulders in the corner and then toss slamming him to the mat. Koloff throws Flair into the corner and he does the Flair Flip over the corner and ends up outside. Flair tries to toss Koloff’s head into the scaffold again but Koloff blocks and does it to Flair. Flair is busted open as Koloff uses the scaffold to hurt him some more. Koloff puts Flair in the corner. FLair kicks him and reverses. The two trade shots. Flair falls to the mat. Koloff picks him up and shoulderblocks him on a whip but the ref takes a bump and ends up outside.

Flair punches Koloff and puts him in the corner but Koloff comes running out with a HUGE Russian Hammer. He tries to pin but there’s no referee. Koloff stands up and grabs the ref. Flair runs behind him and hits a knee. He covers but Koloff kicks out as the new ref gets in the ring. Koloff misses the Hammer and hits the ref instead. He’s out. The ref at the beginning of the match re-enters. Koloff chokes Flair in the corner. The ref backs him off but Koloff shoves him. He comes back and tries again but Flair shoves the ref. The two continue to beat one another. The bell rings. Everyone comes out of the dressing room and gangs up on Koloff. The word finally comes down.
WINNER: No contest
STILL CHAMPION: Ric Flair
GRADE: D+. This was boring as fuck. It was like watching Flair wrestle a giant boulder for 20 minutes.

Post-match, the brawl continues as wrestlers on both sides pull Flair and Koloff off one another. WRestlers are piling on top of Koloff to stop him from moving.

Schiavone discusses what we just saw, notifies the audience of the decision and then recaps the action and then we go off the air.

OVERALL: D+. Holy SHIT, that was long, slow, boring and tedious. How bad was this Starrcade? It took me a MONTH to get through this one.

That’s it.

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